Three practices to get over the story that you are your own worse enemy
Gratitude not working for you? Positive affirmations feel like a bunch of bullshit? Cute mantras like “I am enough” feel cheap and absurd?
Fuck love and light. Walk on the dark side instead.
Sometimes, the best thing you can do is to face the muck. The muck doesn’t have to drown you. The muck is your source of wisdom, if you know how to work with it.
In fact, our avoidance and resistance to be in that place is what makes things worse for us.
There are times when insisting on “good vibes only” feels worse than just accepting that we are full of fear and resistance, even when the thing we desire feels like our calling.
Instead of beating yourself up for not writing an essay every day for 30 days, not joining the lives, not engaging, not watching the lessons on time, you might want to try this instead:
Deep Fear Inventory
I learned this one from my coach Lee C. Cordell. Think about a desire you want to fulfill and then write the following prompt:
“I deeply hate and resent (desire) because I fear that”
I learned this one from Mama Gena. Let yourself feel all the things that you listed in the deep fear inventory, but now you do it to music. Dance it out of your system. Punch those pillows. Let out those feral screams!
Let it be cathartic.
Bonus: after blasting your angry song (or playlist), switch to something sexy or fun and relish in the absurdity of it all. Oh yeah, look at me, getting in my own way, being consumed by nothing, so hot!
Shout out to my other coach, Michelle Keinan, for teaching me this fun way to swamp.
Talk to your demons
There’s a reason love and light affirmations are not doing it for you.
Whatever you are dealing with, it is buried deep in you. The resistance to your own potential is not a design flaw. If you are willing to look at it as feedback, there’s a simple thing that you can do to get to the source: talk to your demons.
I learned this from the book Feeding your Demons by Tsultrim Allione.
Visualize the fear, feel it in your body and give it a shape. Meditate with it, and ask your demon what does it want? Listen with an open heart, and if you can do it in the moment, feed it love and compassion.
Eventually, the demon transforms into your ally (it will literally change shape).
An atomic essay barely does justice to these practices. I’d be happy to chat with anyone who is curious to learn more (I’ve also included the names of the women who taught me this so you can look it up if you are curious).
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