The self-help marketing machine works because it bypasses your pain and shame

Someone in my Instagram account asked me about this thread of things I oppose in the world of self-help and wellness.

What do I stand for then? Here’s my response:

I oppose the idea that I need to fight, conquer or overcome my fears and demons

You do not need to make enemies of what’s going on inside of you.

I’ve made more progress by learning how to embrace, accept, and love the darkest and irrational parts of me.

I oppose the idea that “all you need to do” to get over it is to just do it

I don’t coddle, I’ll tell you when you are being a lazy ass.

But I also know that if we fail to do the things we say we want to do, there’s something deeper going on, there is something in your emotional and unconscious self that is holding you back.

It is this black-and-white thinking that makes us feel like sad piles of shit because we didn’t drink 8 glasses of water, exercised, wrote a book, and saved the world all in an honest day of hard work.

I oppose the self-help marketing that tells you that you are wasting your time because you are not living your best life right now

I’ve been duped by this one. It’s about what is not being said.

Your “best life” according to the self-help machine is your best life under capitalism. It’s not that making money is evil.

But what’s the point of doing your best work and not question the current system?

The other reason this is a toxic narrative is because this story about “wasting your life and your potential” is plain bullshit.

You are doing what you can with what you know. We are all, in some way, surviving. We are all, in some way, re-enacting trauma, letting our unconscious dictate our lives, putting on masks because we’d rather avoid pain.

Permission to cut yourself some slack. Being shitty and wasting time is also part of your human experience.

I oppose any kind of self-help that pushes you to act by poking at your secret shame without any kindness or compassion

“You just gotta step out of your comfort zone” is a classic example. When I didn’t understand that I had reasons to be in my comfort zone, I would just pretend to be brave and throw myself into the unknown.

This is a horrendous way to live.

If you are feeling the pressure to be “great” and you are not feeling it, THAT’S OKAY.

Work on your nervous system response. Expansion and growth is not an overnight process.

Wanna know how to live your “best life” without the burnout?

GENTLE, BABY STEPS. Fuck the growth hacks. Take your time.

I oppose anyone who does this and promises that it can all be fixed in three easy steps

Uh, just, no. The journey is messy. There are frameworks, there are practices, but there is no magic pill that will do it.

Every day, you get to choose.

We just need to have the self-compassion to love ourselves when we choose poorly (because you will).

I especially oppose the idea that this is a cerebral exercise

You are not a walking receptacle for a brain. You are more than that.

We are complex. We are biochemistry, ego, soul, conscious and unconscious.

We are emotional first, we are irrational, we self-sabotage, we are light and shadow, we are intelligent but we are also animals.

Embrace it all, that’s what makes being alive an interesting experience.

Thanks Wilnelia for inspiring today’s post!

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