“It’s all in your head!” 😒 — Well, where the fuck else is my brain?

Carolina Chanis
2 min readFeb 25, 2022

Title inspired by a meme I saw in the Psychology Shitposting Facebook group. It’s my dark, happy place on the web.

I don’t know how to build up the story where I magically reveal my true intentions.

So, I give up. I’m serving it raw — HERE IS PART 1 👇

The real loss when you are struggling with perfectionism, impostor syndrome, fear of failure, and highly adaptive depression or anxiety is not what everyone keeps writing about.

The burnout, the strained relationships, the procrastination, the workaholism…those are just consequences. They suck, they are real, and they do not spark joy, but at the end of the day it is still surface level fuckery.

I am more concerned with the deep, invisible fuckery that happens in the background.

The thing that could be irreversible if you keep ignoring it.

I’m talking about becoming permanently detached from your imagination and intuition. This is a dangerous zone. When that connection is severed, and you don’t understand what just happened, your sense of self becomes fragmented.

If you are lucky, there will be at least one piece of you that tells you to keep going.

But, that piece ALONE is NOT ENOUGH. You are adrift. You are in a sea of information and people and choices and NOTHING FILLS. And you keep swimming and kicking, looking for a shore. Sometimes you find it and things feel okay for a while…until…

One day you wake up and you hate every damn thing that is in your line of sight.

Adrift you are again. You might be pretending, you might convince yourself that you got a responsibility to endure, but you know. You are alone in the sea again.

There’s only so many cycles of that that a human can endure before becoming dead inside (or literally).

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Carolina Chanis

I write about the emotional courage it takes to start a thing…from the lens of an extreme perfectionist