I was afraid to let go of my mask — what if I was just plain mediocre?
Too often I read comments saying that perfectionism is a pre-requisite to do certain jobs.
Uhm no, I do not need to constantly question my self-worth and have a perfectly hidden depression so I can build a bridge, be a surgeon, do math.
The opposite of perfectionism is not mediocrity.
The opposite of perfectionism is doing things without self-hatred, without crippling self-doubt, without feeling that it is a do or die situation.
I know that it is 100% possible to get things done without ever looking at why you feel like this, why do you feel that things (or you) are never good enough?
I got through 3 degrees this way. I navigated being the token woman/ foreigner/millennial in the room this way. I have gotten jobs being this way.
In my mind, all I needed to do was to stay on top of my game, and then the bad feelings would go away.
And then came the day where I could not keep up.
I had no labels, no identity, no marker of success to secure my self-worth.
The good thing is that when your worse case scenario actually happens…you realize that it wasn’t a do or die situation.
What happens next is up to you.
I’ve been there, done that, crawled out of my personal hellhole, now feeling cute and invincible 💃
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