Carolina Chanis

I am not chasing validation anymore

“If I get it right, then I won’t feel like an impostor.”

Are you only okay with yourself when things go well? When life follows your script?

If so, what would happen if you failed?

What would happen if you hit your limit and saw how imperfect and messy you are?

Would you keep pushing yourself, hoping that your hard work will eventually give you your reward?

I used to think that the only way out of this toxic loop was by working harder. Working smarter. Making the “right” decisions.

If I didn’t make mistakes, then I would never have to feel that I was not good enough.

But life doesn’t work that way. The more I tried to be that person, the more I saw how I was falling short. How I was not living up to my potential.

NOT. LIVING. TO. MY. POTENTIAL. These string of words could easily throw me into a depression.

Today, I am finally showing up. On the surface, it doesn’t look like a big deal. Like how I am creating this content, not knowing what will come out of it.

But, on the inside…I don’t recognize myself anymore (in a good way)!

Showing up is waking up every morning with an unshakeable optimism and self-confidence.

It is weathering the downs without being poisoned by self-hatred and self-doubt. It is plowing through the procrastination and analysis paralysis and getting shit done.

It is enjoying every single good thing that happens in my day because even though I have long ways to go, life is great right now. I am complete right now. I love myself as I am right now.

Getting out of that loop where “I must do, in order to be” was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but it was exactly what I needed to do so I could truly show up.

This post was created with Typeshare

I write about the emotional courage it takes to start a thing…from the lens of an extreme perfectionist